“Two pebbles, Marcel.” the Chief said to me. “Place them on the black fence surrounding the watch factory near the Number 9 street car stop.”… “Then, get on the streetcar,” he used the Russian term, ‘tramvai,’ “transfer at the inner ring road and return to the Embassy. Just a little shopping on Tverskaya Boulevard.” … “Simple… Drop the pebbles and come home.” He paused for this to register. “Or, don’t drop the pebbles if it doesn’t feel right. Standard signal to our Russian asset. Two pebbles on the fence will tell him where to meet. No pebbles mean no meeting. He must be able to see them without turning his head when he walks past with the crowd.”
This was October, 1991. The street had just been changed from the Soviet name, “Gorky,” to the revived Czarist name, “Tsverskaya.” Major changes had taken place. Yeltsin was in. Gorbachev was out. The Communist Party was out of power for three months now. However, except for a few statues taken down and street names, the changes were not so apparent on the surface. Not yet. I was beginning to think in Russian. “ Not yet,” or “paka nyet,” that was Russian, dropped alone at the end.
We were in Moscow Station, the CIA offices in the Embassy. “John,” the Station Chief, was projecting slides of a local watch factory, with close ups of the black fence next to it, onto a large screen. He was thin but athletic, a marathoner. Short haircut, angular features, light blue eyes. He was bright, natural intelligence in the Kansas farm boy that he was. I had seen it before. Nothing but a bachelor’s degree, but a lighting quick mind that never forgot anything. A soft voice, persuasive and direct, a serious person. He continued, “Henderson will be your back, across the street near the Defense Ministry annex.”
Walt, the Deputy Chief, and my immediate boss, was sitting next to me around the glass conference table. He gave me a look as if to say, “a lot of good that will do.” We had been classmates at Georgetown.
“As we all know,” John continued, “they are watching us very carefully right now. They know they have a leak. They hope we will lead them to our source.” He paused to consider before offering a bit more information, addressing me. “This is important, Marcel.” He didn’t tell me who our Russian source was. “Err on the side of caution… It could mean life or death.”
“For Marcel or the target?” Walt asked dryly, a thin lipped William Buckley smile for me. I enjoyed the joke. No fear here. “Okay,” I said. This would be my first major assignment outside the building. I was more clerical. I could tell that John had reservations about using me, but my cover was still intact. No anonymous black vans parked outside my apartment.
The following day, the day of the operation, I got off the subway at Prospect Mira near the Bolshoi. 11:45 a.m., I strolled up Tverskaya Boulevard, window gazing as I went, in the direction of Pushkin Square. It was cold, minus ten Celsius. A sharp breeze was blowing down the avenue. I had the “go ahead” from the mobile spotters, a Vovlo station wagon with the headlights on. I felt the round pebbles in my overcoat pocket. They were cupped in my gloved hand. I walked over to the fence, waiting for the tram.
The streets were wet. People were bundled, doing errands during lunch hour, mainly women and young couples. Tram lines stretched over the street, and traffic was brisk and noisy, lots of family cars, tires humming on the asphalt. The sky medium blue and cloudless. A few blackbirds were in the air, swirling as a group, then landing together on cornices. White chimney smoke drifted off in the air in thin streams. There was none of the usual Russian chattering, it was too cold. People had their faces down to avoid the wind. So, it’s pebbles at noon, I thought. Anyone can do it. But, what did Walt say, “you can climb Everest, but getting back is the hard part.” Everything appeared normal. “Vso Normalna,” the Russians say. I rested my gloved hand on the fence and left the pebbles before joining the tram queue.
Riding the crowded tram back to the Embassy, all I noticed was a sea of reddish faces wearing astrakhan, felt, rabbit, and mink, but no eye avoidance, nothing unusual, typical Russians. Looking between the crowded bodies and through the steamed windows as the tram took off with a whine, I noticed a Russian man wearing a leather jacket walk over to the fence where I had stood and stand there. He could be the opposition, checking every place I had stopped or touched. It would be typical of KGB thoroughness. Its easy when you have an army of watchers. The last thing I saw out the rear window was a black Volga pull up to the curb near the two men. Maybe it was nothing.
The next weekend, my cat, Natasha, disappeared from my apartment when I was at work. The Embassy said the repair men working on my kitchen may have left the door open. She may have slipped out. No one remembered seeing her. But, I knew better. My sweet Natasha, the girl I picked off the street, the big talker who followed me around and slept on the bed, white shorthair with gray patches, and oval green eyes. I searched the neighborhood in vain. The rule is never to show weakness to the Russians. But, I didn’t care.
I sat at home in the evening, a bit uneasy over being discovered although not wanting to admit it. We have to be tough to survive the hostile, sometimes physically hostile, environment. We are recruited for that more than anything. But, I knew I was cast against type, acting against my own nature. I was tired of the intelligence games and Cold War. It was supposed to be over. I went to the credenza stereo and put on some Vivaldi, horns and oboes. The Baroque age would pick me up. I poured a glass of Burgundy. Natasha’s bowl was still sitting, empty, on the kitchen floor. I walked to the glass door leading to the balcony. The old communist slogans still stood erected on the roof across the street, pigeons were lined up on the drain pipes, gray tin roofs sloped down all around, drab buildings with iron railed balconies, the late afternoon sky was turning lavender and silver, a Whistler scene. Jet contrails high up, military jets. Tight curls.
I could see my face in the glass The somewhat youthful features were soft, the nose a bit too round, the lips and eyes thin, a bit Scotch-Irish perhaps. The eyes looked directly back at me with a touch of resignation, matching the slightly downturned mouth. I was tired, of it all: Russia, the Agency, bureaucracy, the work. But, my mind said, no, go on with your work. Life is not about pleasure and nice places. Hemingway knew that one’s work was what is important, doing it well. I fell back on the Greeks. Let reason rule, not emotion. I opened my briefcase to do some work. Don’t think. Work. Nonetheless, I started drafting a resignation letter. John could tell something was wrong. He didn’t give me any more special assignments.
The next day was Saturday, and I had two tickets to Giselle. Walt joined me. Sitting at the cafe in the National Hotel after the ballet, we ordered blini and sour cream. During the Brezhnev era, as junior officers, we had sat at this same table after a public lecture at some worker’s institute. Now, twelve years later, the cafe was exactly the same, except now there was a mafia crowd.
Walt was always more dedicated than me. Like most New Yorkers, he had a step up on those of us from the provinces. He was harder working, more focused. He was not preppy, but he was traditional, cardigan sweaters under a grey herringbone sport coat, and practical Rockport shoes. In his forties, of medium stature, brown hair, eyes, and mustache. You might take him for a math teacher or librarian. He looked and acted older than he was, a bit fussy, sometimes grouchy, some said like an old woman. He was a bachelor and loner, and was rather shy around women, and a bit of an intellectual in his pursuits, spending his evenings at Moscow concerts. I admired Walt for his knowledge of Russia and the humanities as well. Walt was serious, and you had to be that way with him, but he was more social than he seemed, and, although quiet, he joined our clique of middle-aged Embassy diplomats who got together in the evenings. This seemed to bring him out a bit. It also enhanced cover. There was a camaraderie between us, although we never mentioned our friendship. But, I knew Walt was looking out for my interests.
“Do you think we are accomplishing anything,” he asked over the thin pancakes. It was not an innocent question. He knew I was becoming disillusioned.
“I think we are doing a lot, just by rubbing elbows with the Russians, being here, showing them how Westerners act. How to treat people, how to behave. Helping Russia along the transition to democracy.” I was talking about our cover jobs as diplomats. I didn’t say anything about our real work, intelligence.
Walt could see from my answer that I felt continued Cold War games would do more harm than good overall. He knew I was liberal for the Agency. Some of my own colleagues, the hard liners, didn’t trust me.
“Of course, we also do important covert work, getting information others can’t,” Walt said. “We are doing it for ourselves, and for them,” he added, looking out at the street.
I looked out the window at the pedestrians on the sidewalk below. They were wearing colored clothing, Chinese and American made parkas, rather than the old gray woolen Soviet era overcoats. They seemed to have a livelier walk and more animated expressions, less like the former automatons. Maybe “glassnost,” if not “perestroika,” had worked, I thought to myself. More “openness,” at least, if not “restructuring.” But, they didn’t seem to appreciate democracy yet. They thought in terms of better consumer goods.
“There should be statues of Gorbachev everywhere, but they hate him,” I said.
“Give them time. You remember what Mike Floyd said, change would be gradual, and percolate from the bottom up, not be forced from the top down.” Mike was the Deputy Ambassador. We all respected him. Walt was looking out the window at the Tartar looking Metropole Hotel across the street. “In the meantime, we have to be vigilant.”
A few weeks later, we heard a rumor in the Embassy that a Russian accountant, working in the Defense Ministry, had been secretly tried for treason and shot in the Lubyanka cells. I was never told whether he was our source. The Brits got the information and the foreign press were on it. Maybe the intelligence games were not just games after all. The Russian accountant wouldn’t think so. Natasha wouldn’t think so. Her bowl was still on the kitchen floor. That night, I tore up the letter of resignation. The next time I saw John in the hall, I asked if he needed more help on the street.